The World is Your Oyster (Card)

(ii) Minimal Contact Required


There is possibly nothing worse than a tube train at rush hour, especially when your general rule of thumb is "minimal contact with other human beings". This rule applies not only to public transport but public footpaths and any other circumstance when you are exposed to 'the public' (something i try to avoid at all costs). Although the rule is relatively easy to uphold on the pavement once one has perfected the 'dance of the Londoner', it is far less straightforward when forced to squeeze into a tube train carriage, with the result resembling a tin of sardines...well...once you imagine the fish as disgruntled commuters, the smell more similar to that of a tramp and the tin as blisteringly hot and being chucked through an underground tunnel at high speeds.
Although my daily commute into the city centre does not start until September, I thought I should prepare myself by thinking of some ways to increase personal space on those underground nightmares.

1. It is pertinent to always have something on the ol' iPod that is mildly (or incredibly) offensive. It is then necessary to turn it up very loudly for maximum impact. This experience may not be so enjoyable to yourself, either because of the music or merely the volume, however neither will all the people around you. A good snarl or something similar will also help the process of scaring your commuting neighbours.

2. An infectious-looking (or sounding) cough can also do wonders. Add in a sneeze or two and you'll be laughing. If people want to invade your personal space then they should be prepared to deal with the consequences! If the rest of London commuters are anything like me, and I'm sure many are, then more space will miraculously appear around you very quickly.

3. Pretend you're pregnant and you might even get a seat! (Not recommended for any male readers) This is obviously less time consuming than actually getting pregnant, however can result in soaring levels of guilt if, say, an actual pregnant lady gets on the train. This is also less useful if you are one of those commuters that recognises people on the train each morning - they may become suspicious when your baby bump does not get larger as the weeks go on. Pretending you are with-child will also thwart any chances of meeting 'the one' at that time in the morning, flirty glances are all very well but once he locks eyes on the bump you may hit a dead end.

4. Perfect your 'evil eye'. This one is tricky - you will have to tread a fine line between the general public thinking you're just a bit weird and you suddenly being arrested and held in police custody under anti-terrorism laws.

5. Get drunk. This can be achieved by either not going to sleep from the night before or having a breakfast beer or two. It may also make your morning commute a bit more exciting! However it could lead to you getting fired, which although would temporarily solve one problem (of physical contact so early in the morning) it also creates quite a few...

The World is Your Oyster (Card)

(i) Time is Money


A friend from up norf told me what he thought of us Londoners the other week. He said that we always walked in a dead-straight line, expecting everyone else to get out of the way. Although there are the exceptions to the rule, I think my mate couldn't have been more wrong.

You can say many thing about us types from the big smoke, but one thing that we will definitely agree upon is that we do not do 'wasting time'. In fact we pretty much hate it. Although spending the last three years in Manchester dulled down my inbuilt instinct to hurry everywhere, the minute I get off the train at Euston station that instinct kicks right back in. I have to be the first one on the bus and the first one off. I give myself a mental high five when I get off the right tube carriage to deliver me as close to the WAY OUT sign as possible when I get off.


It seems like there's no doubt that once you become a Londoner, you will always be a Londoner and become a Londoner once more every time you return.

Walking around London makes motorway driving look like childs-play, and that is why my friend couldn't have been more wrong in his view of us. Anyone who has experienced the joy of motorway driving knows that if you just stick in the middle lane not only will you arrive at your destination rather slowly but you will royally annoy all the drivers around you.
This principle applies just as strongly to the bustling streets of London with just one obvious exception - there are no lanes. This makes the overtaking of slower 'traffic' more of a skill, requiring balance, brilliant spatial awareness and speed. "The dance of the Londoner", as I'd like to call it, takes years to learn and perfect but only takes minutes to remember - like riding a bike!

However this is all before you factor in the other big difference between motorway-driving and London-walking...the ones who haven't read the 'walkway code' and don't know how to er...drive themselves...the TOURISTS. London's equivalent to a stoned teenage who's never sat in a car, let alone passed his text, thinking it's a good idea to get in his parents' Ford Fiesta and take a spin on the M1. With the best will in the world it's not going to end any other way than disastrously.  
Now i cannot blame tourists for wanting to enjoy our amazing city, however the fact that they don't know the unspoken code of our pavements does mean we have to become more creative with our overtaking. It becomes more than just a dance - it becomes an art form. Walking in a straight line is not an option in LDN, and anyone who attempts to get about in this way will only have their tempers frayed or get pushed out of the way by other people.

As i said before, we do not like wasting time, and the time we save in the day by skipping and darting past unsuspecting tourists is the extra time we have to enjoy another Gin and Tonic at the end of our day. Time is a precious entity in London, and we know how to make the most of it. Slow, gormless, purpose-less walking is not the way to make the most of this beautiful city. Time saved is time spent doing something better than standing on a tube platform or waiting for a bus.

Here we go again..

Another re-brand, another promise of good stuff to read, but this time i promise i'm not lying.

Rapturous

(via http://rapturethreads.bigcartel.com/product/i-survived)

It's like it was all made up or something....

Photos of the Day

First book of the summer...

....on the terrace....

....in the sun!

And now the end is near...

Somehow I have made it to the end of University, a day that forever seemed like it would never come.
I have completed all my modules and now will be (temporarily) free of deadlines, essays and revision.
I am no longer a student.

So what have I learned?


There's no place like home
Living in Manchester for three years has definitely strengthened my love for London, and no matter where in the world I'll end up, a part of me will always be a true Londoner.
Regardless of what any other city can offer me, there is nothing quite like that feeling of getting off the train to the hustle and bustle of Euston station, flying past the majesty that is St Pancras station on the 390 bus and waving at my local chippy as i head into my house.
As much as i have enjoyed living in Manchester, it will never make me feel like London does.



You can't get on with everyone
And that's okay. And if you DO get on with everyone you're probably too nice.
Or too boring.

Facebook is evil
Never in my life has anything distracted me as much

High heels are more of a hindrance than a help

I'd rather be short thanks

There is such thing as too much fake tan
I must say that I will not miss the copious amounts of fake tan used in Manchester.
And as for people who use sun-beds...or even worse people who have a sun-bed before going on holiday so they don't need to 'worry about getting tanned' while they're away.....well there are no words for such people

Caught up in the romance of it all

I don't care who knows it - I loved the Royal Wedding.

I loved the count-downs, speculative documentaries, "I met Kate Middleton once" programs and, best of all, Kate and William - the Movie, which is possibly both the best and worst thing i have ever seen in my life. Not to mention some...erm...zany members of the public being interviewed!

Courtesy of http://katemiddletonforthewin.tumblr.com/

Although i did not have any flags, or bunting, or commemorate cakes (well i am a university student, with limited funds and time!), I made the effort to not go into the library and watch the entire wedding, and most of the build-up....

If i look HALF as good on my wedding day as she did, i'd be lucky. Absolutely stunning.

If you can't get swept up in the romance of this, then what is the point?

And there's still hope...there's still Harry...




Unless Pippa Middleton got in there first!